February 17, 2012

Gayming with Soul Calibur 5

Glorious chest hair porn!

So we’ve been playing Soul Calibur 5 for a few days now, checking out the various modes and customization features. Overall the game is pretty difficult.

Normally you will be inclined to start the story mode to unlock some features for the game. You begin as Patrokalos, whiney, headstrong, a typical anime hero archetype. He’s in search for his long lost sister, Pyrrha, who constantly refuses to fight and is easily manipulated into thinking she’s a tainted being known as the “malfested.” These characters start off pretty annoying in the beginning until the end where they kind of grow on you.

The story is 20 chapters long and you can complete it in one sitting. You can not use custom characters to play through this mode so no eye candy for you. The story mode has its infuriating moments especially with the battle between Nightmare and Elysion. When fighting Nightmare, you control newcomer Z.W.E.I., a werewolf whose battle style, although interesting to look at, is just no match for Nightmare.

Nightmare will constantly entangle you in combos and uppercut attacks. He uses them to the point where you most likely won’t be able to control your character for the rest of the battle. At this point you are too much of a beginner to fight, but we can still trudge through and lower the difficulty setting. This option shows up after you lose a battle in story mode.

After completing story mode you can set your sights on the Arcade Mode. Unlike Soul Calibur 4, you unlock customization items by gaining points each time you win or lose a battle. So no longer will you have to find someone to do an impossible achievement just to unlock the rest of the items.

Character customization is deeper than before, allowing you to place up to 3 accessories in any position and location. In addition, you can place patterns, tattoos, and stickers in any location and color on any of your garments to create a truly unique look.

We’re quite irked about the faces, you still have the same male faces from Soul Calibur 4 and boy are they ugly. Since we have a preference for beards on here, only 2 bearded faces look great, while the others are kind of hideous.

You can’t really customize anything at all with the faces they give you except for the eyebrows. You can select which eyebrows you want and color it separately. We hope in the future they allow you to customize the overall shape and position of facial features, so we can choose how hideous our faces should be.

Unrealistic Makeshift Penis Assemble!

If you want to gay up the game a bit, you can use three accessories. The gourd, a phallic shaped bottle, is for some reason by default positioned on the crotch. You just pinch here and squeeze there to create your own strap on penis with balls!